Call the Fashion Police

Most of my friends and relatives will agree I’m not the most fashionable person they know. My motto could be “if I’m clean and covered it’s ok.”

I used to take business motivational and self-improvement seminars. One exhorted women to “dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” (This made me wonder if I should show up at the office dressed for cleaning a swimming pool, my fantasy job when Dateline was coming to interview the boss.)

Another bit of style advice from that seminar: count all your accessories, and if there are more than four, remove a scarf or a bracelet or a belt.

Now that I’m older and retired, I consistently ignore that. Being small and blond I can easily disappear in a crowd. I love color and have beautiful scarves of every hue. I have accumulated a ton of nice jewelry. I might go out wearing three rings (not counting wedding), a scarf, two necklaces, two pairs of earrings and maybe a couple of bracelets, along with a colorful garment.

That’s what this piece was going to be about: “nothing succeeds like excess,” variously attributed to Oscar Wilde, Mae West and Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham.

Then I witnessed excess so unsuccessful I had to rethink it. At a recent workshop, I observed a woman whom I wanted so much to ask if I could take her picture, but if I’d said “You’re really rockin’ that cape,” she may have heard my subliminal “and I’m mockin’ it.” So I sketched it as best I could from memory.

Shapeless sweatshirt with colorful logo, chunky necklace, huge smoky topaz ring on left hand, bubble or dome ring (Frozen character, maybe?) on right, manhole cover watch on right wrist, topped off by an vintage felted green wool cape. (Sketch explains why I went into design rather than illustration.)

Ragged, frizzy hairstyle, shapeless sweatshirt with colorful logo, chunky necklace, huge smoky topaz ring on left hand, bubble or dome ring (Frozen character, maybe?) on right, manhole cover watch on right wrist, topped off by a vintage felted green wool cape. (Sketch explains why I went into design rather than illustration.)

Next I saw this:

Solid black tights, black boots, too-short jacket.

Solid black tights, black boots, too-short jacket.

Have you noticed older women have embraced the tights and boots look? I have too, but some do not obey the rule, set down by my middle-school teacher daughter for her seventh graders: “tights are not pants. Cover your butt.” A longer jacket or shirt, a short skirt or dress will do, but please spare us the view of your ample butt cheeks.

And this, in today’s local paper:

Scarf fail, Patrick about to barf

Scarf fail, Dan Patrick about to barf.

I’ve considered dialing it back a bit, but I don’t own a forest-green wool cape and always cover my butt when I wear tights.

Jill HS March 5

You can’t even see the earrings. The sweater covers my butt, and I’m wearing jeans, anyway.

 

Advertisements

Tags: , ,

2 responses to “Call the Fashion Police”

  1. Sally Feutz says :

    This piece reminds me of part of my own fashion history. During the fifties, I dressed like a fashion mavin in Chicago and, in the early sixties, San Francisco. I mean, Saks Fifth Avenue, Bonwit Teller, I. Magnin were my clothing sources. I quickly changed my tune and tailoring when, in later sixties, hippies became the arbiters of San Francisco style. Along with most “hip” women, I changed to jeans and a shirt (no bra, of course) and wore a ring on each finger. Fun! And a lot easier to get ready for work.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Yellingrosa's Weblog

Poetry, Visual Arts, Music and IT Tech

A Madarasachap Muslim

Things you should know about Islam.

Deb Breton

Deb Breton Contemporary Artist - Making your world a little brighter, one painting at a time...

Susan Rushton

Celebrating gardens, nature, photography and a creative life

Yuba Gold

Art and creativity with a touch of nature

Letters & notes

A collection of poems, spoken word & cooking from Gretl Feeson as well as being an online reblog magazine of sorts.

A Young Retirement

Retired from Work, NOT Life!

Sabiscuit's Catalog

I can't eat biscuits, but I have a better idea ...

Subterranean Atlas

The Art of Matt Schinner

leaf and twig

where observation and imagination meet nature in poetry

You handmade me {happy}

The greatest d.i.y. project is living happily.

athousandthankyousaday

A chronicle of our family's time in Japan

DEAR DETECTIVE

VINTAGE IMAGES + RETRO EPHEMERA

Ollie On The Move

The Horizon is my Home

takethelineforawalk

art, sketch, portrait, lifedrawing, landscape, seascape, water color

Mollie Player

Mystic. Reader. Author. Mom.

%d bloggers like this: