Turning a Corner?

Re-reading my last post, I’m again painfully aware how desperate things had become. Even when you reassure yourself that this too shall pass, that things will get better, when you’re in the deepest well of despair and worry, it’s hard to recognize that truth. Everything–the old house, the new house, unexpected expenses, the shelter dog who wasn’t working out–all of it kept me awake at night.

And then came some relief: our homeowners’ insurance will pay about half of the shower renovation in the new house. I have also contacted the inspection company with vague threats of “action,” which probably means a nasty review and bad publicity, rather than legal action–lawyers cost too much to make that worthwhile. The A/C repair in the old house was relatively inexpensive and the house is now cool again.

After eight days of the rambunctious pitbull-lab, Strawberry, we had to give up and return her to the shelter. She was a blocker and a jumper, putting both husband and me at risk of injury; she was a chewer, destroying several items; a digger, with patches of grass now bare (and then she jumped on me with her muddy paws); once she pooped and peed on the carpet in my room. She was young and needed attention and training, and we don’t have the resources to do that. With many tears and much sorrow, I took her back. The shelter ladies were kind and understanding, but I still felt tremendous guilt and sorrow over abandoning the sweet girl.

Then, wonder of wonders! A friend who volunteers at the shelter called and told me that a man who had shown interest in Strawberry before we got her came and picked her up two hours after he was notified she was again available! Such joy and relief!

All of the essential unpacking is done, even a lot of non-essential knickknacks and all the books. I even spent an afternoon actually organizing the books (mostly by genre–art, religion, English lit and so on, but some just by size because they’re so big), something I hadn’t done even in the other house. We had to add a bookcase, odd since we had donated quite a few books to the Friends of the Library. But the photo albums had lived on the lower shelf of an old coffee table, which we also got rid of, replacing it with a 50+year-old mid-century table (with no shelf) from my first marriage that had been stored for years. Thus the photo albums are now on bookshelves.

Mid-century modern table brought back to life after years of storage. (There are also two end tables.)

Only one box remains in the house, filled with art, and covered with a cloth to make it resemble a table. The rest, mostly art, some pottery and other decorative items, remain in the garage and storeroom. Except for the large Hamilton Pool painting, which still leans against the wall and needs to be safely hung, we’re in no hurry to make holes in the walls. And finding a stud to hang such a big piece, and then hefting it, is a challenge (it’s about 6’x5′ and very heavy).

Making good use of an old sari to cover the still-packed box. Junior guards his new squeaky toy, which was Strawberry’s, but it’s fair because she destroyed his stuffed puppy and his other
squeaky toy. Love the view of the front yard with the blooming crape myrtle.
The living room is rather large so it’s divided between a seating-TV-fireplace area, while the front, with its good light, is the reading room/library. The antique desk is still a little cluttered with unpacking items.
The other end of the living room, with TV and gas fireplace.
Dining room with thrift store tablecloth. The “Wine” plaque was a house-warming gift from a friend.
View from dining room to the front porch.
Front porch with hummingbird feeder. The next-door tree is full of hummingbirds and I can feel the vibration before I see or hear the bird at the feeder. It’s so much fun to sit on the porch and watch them. We had the fence built before we moved in so Junior would have a safe yard. I’m not happy with the color and hope it will fade, or eventually we’ll paint it to better match the house.
Street view of the porch, the neighbors’ hummingbird tree in the foreground, and Junior at his post.

Our real estate agent came by this morning with an offer on the house, so things are indeed looking up.

Buying a house is like getting married

If buying a house is like getting married, getting a real estate agent is going onto a dating service, then you check out multiple possibilities, hoping the next one will be exactly what you’re looking for. Then you pay some money and date for a while (the option period, when you can still back out). Then the contract is your engagement, inspection is the pastoral counseling and closing is the ceremony. There is no honeymoon, only the hell of moving.

We looked at nine houses. This one seemed right–quiet neighborhood where we already know people, small, low-maintenance yards, beautifully renovated interior, and only about half a mile from the old house, making the move “easy,” right?

First, there is no easy move. Across country, around the world or down the street, you pack up all your stuff, have someone take it to the new place, then unpack it. In this case the new house is smaller and we donated loads, carfuls, truckloads, to charity shops. Before and after the movers took the big items, we made multiple trips with both cars, along with friends’ SUVs and trucks. After movers, it took another five days to finish moving out of the old house. In June, in Texas, with the help of my cleaning angel, Ana. I still have a scar and a knot from various injuries during this phase.

The real estate market is hot here, as it is around the country, and we soon had several excellent offers on the old house. Meanwhile, after nine days in the new house, we discovered that the second shower was leaking into the closets on both sides (discovered when I reached into a closet to find a place for my shoes and pulled out a wet quilt husband had stashed there). I immediately called our insurance, our real estate agent rented a giant fan, and we got Servpro here. The warranty company sent a plumber, who said we needed a tiler, that it was either a grout or tile problem.

Bringing in two tilers, we learned it was a total failure of the shower, needing demolition and renovation, in the low five figures (that’s $xx,xxx). If this was a marriage, now would be time for an annulment. But we were looking forward to the proceeds from the sale of the other house to help cover this expense. We have contacted the inspection company–I spoke to the inspector and he said he did test that shower but he clearly failed to find this problem. We think the previous owners didn’t use this shower and didn’t know about the problem. We also hope to get some help from our insurance.

So we’re sharing a shower with the teenager. I’ve been swimming and showering at the gym.

Ok, so we’re moved in, necessities unpacked and we’re working on the non-necessities, like books, art and knickknacks. On Thursday, I’m at the doctor’s with the granddaughter when I get a voicemail from our agent: the buyers, with their fabulous offer (way over asking) have backed out. The house is “BOM,” back on market. I alarmed the nurse with my tears. I knew the inspection had been the previous week and I figured we would have heard if there were any problems. Turns out there is a (fixable) problem. The A/C isn’t working. Now we face that repair in addition to the shower. Real estate gets us coming and going.

I have always been a goer, doer, get-it-done, never bored. This has me down and out. I am awake in the wee hours, worrying, then don’t want to get up and face the day, take long naps because that’s all l feel like doing. I have hung exactly one picture, while we have a gallery’s worth in boxes and lined up in the garage.

And to add to the merriment, granddaughter convinced us she had to have her own dog. Strawberry is a sweet shelter dog, about a year old, a pitbull-lab mix, who just pooped and peed on the carpet in my room. She’s also energetic and needs to be trained not to jump on people, especially the guy with Parkinson’s.

I know these are first-world problems. I know we are privileged. I know we will be all right, we have savings, this will not break us.

But with a husband with Parkinson’s and raising a 14-year-old, I thought my plate was quite full. Now it’s just a hot mess I can’t, and don’t really even want to, deal with right now.

I would share a picture of Strawberry, with Junior, who remains the perfect dog, but I don’t remember, or have the mental capacity, to figure out how to add a photo in this new WordPress format.

Happy Fourth of July. It’s thundering here so maybe the fireworks will be canceled and the birds and other animals won’t be freaked out.

Last post for a while

Yes, we are moving. With the complications of husband’s Parkinson’s and my getting too old to manage all this infrastructure, we’re downsizing a bit. Not moving far, just a few blocks away in a similar neighborhood. As painful as moving is, I’m looking forward to a more suitable house.

We looked at nine houses, put two offers on one house (and lost both times), and 48 hours after the sign went up our offer was accepted for this house. It should be convenient and comfortable for all of us. This neighborhood has an alley in the back, meaning the trash cans and trash trucks, garages and driveways, are all out of sight. But most of the houses have tiny or no back yards. Our “dog run” is so small that we are doing some creative rearranging of fences to create a better yard space adjacent to the front porch, so our side and front yard will be our “back yard.” What better way to meet the neighbors? (I wrote a note to the neighbors whose property line the fence will follow, and received a pleasant, welcoming reply. Good start!)

When we moved here four years ago I thought it would be my last big move. I joked that my next move was “the nursing home or the funeral home.” But life throws things you don’t expect, and we make adjustments. This will be my 27th address is my lifetime, so I’m pretty experienced at moving. And moving .4 mile is a lot easier than packing up and moving across country, or across an ocean!

So long for a while. I’ll check in when we’re settled and show more pictures. For now I’ll see if I can wrangle one or two interior shots. It’s a beautiful house and I think we’ll be happy there.

Kitchen with skylight
Guest bathroom
The “dog run.” We’ll take out that front fence and gate and extend the fence around part of the front yard, connecting the yard to the front porch.


[After fiddling around with WordPress tutorials and not getting very far I’m just plunging in and seeing if I can get a post out while not pulling out my hair. Please forgive formatting glitches. For example, I have typed in the title “Unraveled,” but it doesn’t show in the preview.]

One reason the WordPress changes have me so flummoxed is that everything has me flummoxed right now. It’s not even the pandemic: the adults in our household are fully vaccinated; the grandchild is going to school in person and cases in our community are staying low. It’s spring, after a truly awful winter. But now it’s already too hot–into the high 80sF or even some days well into the 90s. Along with the heat, I am dragged down by, let me just say, the challenges of my family responsibilities, and leave it at that.

The last two items I knitted have been pulled out (known as “frogging” in knitting lingo, because you “rip-it, rip-it”). This seems so emblematic of my life, spinning wheels, pulling out yarn, running around without getting anywhere.

We have been house-hunting. We want to downsize–no pool, smaller yard, fewer trees, a more compact floorplan–but it’s not a buyer’s market here, or anywhere in the country. We have looked at eight houses, put an offer on one that we loved (twice!) and we’re still looking.  Here’s a rundown, mostly for my historical reference:

  1. N. St.: Pluses: Loved the interior: stained concrete floors; pretty kitchen/dining/great room; beautiful master bath and walk-in closet; convenient floorplan. Minuses: Busy street; no garage, just a run-down shed that would have to be torn down to build a garage; an outbuilding that could be fitted out as a rental or AirBnB–I do NOT want to be a landlady; priced to include the potential for rental space.
  2. N. Ln.: (Under construction.) Plus: big master bath with soaking tub, walk-in shower and huge closet. Minuses: tiny laundry closet, which is walked through from garage to a really tiny kitchen; master bedroom right off the living room (TV ears, anyone?); backyard going back to a 90-degree wall of a hillside; too small and too expensive.
  3. S. St.: Pluses: Beautiful renovation–quartz counters; all appliances conveyed; white shiplap walls and nice light; split floorplan with master bedroom not off the living room; pleasant fenced yard; outbuilding that could be fixed up as a studio. Minuses: too small, too little kitchen storage space; no garage (except in the outbuilding, via an alley); granddaughter hated the neighborhood (which is a bit working class with some gentrifying); too expensive per square foot.
  4. L. C. (1): Pluses: Pleasant, convenient neighborhood, an oval with maybe 40 houses or so. Minuses: too big and expensive; dated, stuffy, carpet, lots of florals; dead animal heads on the walls and even in the closets! (There is not enough sage in the world to smudge out all that negative energy.) Too expensive.
  5. E. Dr.: This is the one we put two offers on. Nearly perfect. On a cul de sac, backs onto a woodland park; immaculate; plantation shutters on all the windows; nice layout; convenient kitchen; all appliances (including a second refrigerator) conveyed, as well as a beautiful dining set with eight chairs; tons of storage; beautiful covered patio; water collection system. Obviously a well cared-for home. The owners had been burned by a deal that fell through. Then the second one fell through, but neither of our offers was accepted. Granddaughter had already started choosing paint colors for her room. We’re still mourning that loss.
  6. P. Way: Pluses: woodsy neighborhood, closer to the high school where we’ll be headed next fall; fairly good renovation; extra bedrooms and bathrooms (which meant studio space for me and a bathroom for each of us!). Minuses: outside city limits; septic; no garage; a really creepy outbuilding that I wouldn’t want to try to fix up; older heating system. I call the cosmetic renovations on older houses “lipstick on a pig.”
  7. L. C. (2): Pluses: nice layout; pretty kitchen; breakfast area I might have turned into a studio; that good neighborhood again, but… Minuses: near the front of the oval, too close to a busy road–traffic noise on the patio was annoying, and a church playground was on the other side of the fence; carpet; again, too expensive for what it was.
  8. L. St.: Pluses: gorgeous backyard, with a water feature, a seating area, swing. Minuses: garage was on a lower level, too many levels (built into a hillside–with Parkinson’s we must have a single level); another house that showed its age despite the reno; only 1 1/2 baths (I had considered that we could add a shower to the half bath if we otherwise liked the house).

So we keep looking. Our agent has me on an auto notification list and I check Zillow every day. We’re not in a hurry, we already have a nice house, and something will turn up. Or not, and we stay here a while longer. In the meantime I try to do little fixes around here either for us or for increased value.

He’s not worried. How can you not love that?

It Wasn’t the Worst of Times

In my last post, I told the story of the worst winter of my life. The Great Texas Freeze of 2021 wasn’t really so bad for us; we were extremely fortunate compared to many others.

We had four days of rolling blackouts. Many people were completely without power for days or even weeks. We never lost water, while people in the hills went without running water for days or weeks. We did have a boil-water order for a few days, so I made tea and coffee when we had power; I also had emergency drinking water stored in the garage. If we had needed water to flush, we could have scooped buckets out of the pool.

After nearly four years in our house we had never used the fireplace. It still had wood left by the previous owners. I had no idea if it would even draw, so I lit a piece of paper and figured out which way to pull the flue lever to open it. (In our previous home it was side to side; this one is back to front.) We had a Solstice Party in 2019. We had a firepit in the backyard and wood provided by friends for the party. I hauled the wood in out of the snow and let it dry out. It burned fine, and husband spent his days tending the fire, which kept him both warm and occupied. When he wasn’t fiddling with the fire he sat with his feet on the hearth and a book in his hands.

The dog didn’t like the snow at first but once he got used to it he and the granddaughter played in it. A tall shrub on the front walk was bent over by ice, but it has straightened itself up and seems to be fine. It’s hard to say which of the landscaping shrubs will come back; the experts say “wait and see.” I’m pretty sure the rosemary is coming back. It’s hard to kill rosemary.

Bent over with ice, the shrub straightened after the thaw. The huge rosemary bushes are reviving. (The dog is waiting to be let in to the house.)

Me, my shadow and the dog, comfy in the snow.



























On the Wednesday of the storm week, a friend in Austin asked if we could take in a relative who was traveling back to Austin from Arizona and had no place to stay and was running low on gas. Never knowing when power would be on or off, we welcomed him with the disclaimer that we may or may not have power. As it happened I was able to serve tuna melt sandwiches and potato chips for supper, and when the power came back on at about 4 a.m. the next morning, it stayed on for good, so he had coffee and toast. Our guest prepared to leave with snow falling heavily. I could hear him on the phone talking to his wife, who was obviously trying to persuade him to stay; we told him he could stay as long as he needed, but he really wanted to get home. We suggested a route on which he might find gas, and he said if he could get gas he would go on; if not he would come back. He texted me from the gas station that he did have gas, and he texted from San Antonio that he was staying in a hotel, and he got back to Austin the next day, Friday (we are normally a two-hour drive from Austin). He left some things behind and returned the following week, in warm sunshine, with cookies baked by his wife and granddaughter. We were just happy we could help, and having a visitor was actually a nice break in our week.

Our weather has warmed up to normal spring-like temperatures, school is back in and we are grateful we got off as easy as we did. The most annoying thing about rolling blackouts is you never knew when it would off or come back on, or for how long either way. It seemed like whenever we would comment on how long it had been on: blackout, early bed.

Texas authorities have a lot to answer for. This should never have happened in a wealthy state in a developed country. We will remember in 2022, when our governor (who first blamed the wind vanes for freezing until he was called out on the fact that it was the gas generators that failed) is up for re-election.

You Thought the Winter of ’21 Was Bad?

Yes, it was, and I acknowledge the pain and suffering so many people have endured (and are still dealing with, without water or power). I will chronicle our relatively mild inconvenience in a future post, but I am reminded of the winter that will remain the worst of my life: 1974.

We were living in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio. In the fall of 1973, my then-husband was offered a job in Washington, D.C.,  where we had met and were married, and we were delighted to return to be returning to the D.C. area. But I was pregnant with our second child, due in November, so they allowed him to wait until the new year to begin the new job. The plan was for me to stay in Ohio until he found a house in the Virginia suburbs.

So I was alone in an old, drafty, dusty duplex in the middle of a Northern Ohio winter with a newborn and a preschooler with bronchitis (who eventually developed, and still has, at 50, asthma). In order to go on the simplest errand–the pharmacy, a doctor’s appointment or the grocery store–I had to bundle the older girl like the Michelin man and wrap the baby in multiple layers, trundle them out to the car in the (detached, of course) garage and wrangle them into car seats.

My parents lived fairly nearby, and I’m sure neighbors helped out,  but my memory is mostly of being up at night with the baby and running the shower to ease the older girl’s coughing. Those were long nights.

When husband found a house, I began the process of packing up and arranging movers. He flew home once and rented a van to take plants and other precious items. However…. during the gas crisis of 1973-74, there were restrictions on gas purchases. At this time you could only buy gas according to your license plate–even numbers of even days and so forth. I don’t even know how he made the trip from Ohio to Virginia. I had other things to worry about.

The moment that still sticks most durably in my memory was when the movers were trying to get the washer and dryer from the basement and the washer needed to be drained. I sat in the middle of the living room floor, paralyzed. I felt like I couldn’t go on another moment.

But of course I did.

We had arranged for me to fly with the kids to Pittsburgh and stay with my in-laws while the movers took our goods to the new house, and then fly to D.C. when the house was somewhat set up. I remember nothing about the flights, how I got to the Cleveland airport, or how it was flying with a baby in my arms and a preschooler by the hand. I’m sure there were moments of great kindness from strangers.

The baby was allergic to disposable diapers and could not be left wet. The doctor had told me to use cloth diapers with no plastic pants and change her every time she was wet. I absolutely had to use disposables when we traveled, but at my in-laws house we laid her down with a bare bottom and a light bulb nearby, as the doctor had advised.

We ultimately settled in our new home (which I had never laid eyes on until I arrived with the kids) and lived there for eight years, until we moved to Texas. It was a wonderful neighborhood with good Fairfax County schools–the elementary school was a half-mile walk away–and it was worth the turmoil to get there.

Oh, but the journey was one of the toughest of my life.

Google street view of that house today. We paid a bit over $60K for it. The current market value is probably in the $700s–five bedrooms, three full baths, 1/4 acre lot, commuting distance to Washington, nice Fairfax Co. neighborhood–and those tall white oak trees–woods behind the house with neighbors on the other side, and kids to play with in the woods.

Hangin’ on by Loose Ends

Like just about everyone else right now, I’m trying to hang onto sanity while we wait out this pandemic. Now we’re doubly locked in by an ice storm, sub-freezing temperatures and a forecast for much colder temps and more precipitation.

Last week I was especially anxious and feeling at loose ends–even before the change in the weather. In fact, I sat on the patio and played with the dog just a few days ago, when it was 75F.

My anxiety stems not just from the lockdowns but also the stresses of responsibility: a 14-year-old who is a challenge to her old granny; a husband with Parkinson’s with multiple other health issues*. A dog. A pool, yard, trees, house, all of which require attention.

We have decided to try to downsize, so every day I check Zillow and contact our Realtor if I see something worthwhile. He showed us a house under construction the other day, and I thought, “Wow, I’ve never lived in a new house; this might be nice.” We drove over in a chilly rain that was turning to ice by the time we headed home. It took some imagination to visualize the finished product, but it doesn’t take any imagination to see a floor plan that just doesn’t work. The garage entrance took you through a closet-sized laundry room directly into the kitchen, which was tiny, like a New York City apartment tiny. An island with sink and dishwasher was placed so that a person working at the sink would be looking right into the living room. There was so little cupboard space I don’t know where we would put all our dishes, pans and serving pieces. One bedroom faced the street. The master bedroom was right off the living room, meaning a person watching TV will disturb someone already trying to sleep. The backyard ended at the sheer face of a cutaway hillside. The front door was approached along a narrow channel between stone walls. All this for $199 a square foot! The feng shui was terrible! The Realtor picked up on the fact that the house didn’t “sing” for me. Fortunately, he’s a great guy, patient and understanding. He knows this may be the last house we ever buy and we need to love it.

One anxiety reducer is Zumba. I find Tanju Koc on YouTube and after 30 minutes of keeping up with him–he’s cute and I can follow the steps–I feel sort of normal. I’d like to go to the gym and swim, but that will have to wait.

I was supposed to go to a retreat farther out into the Hill Country this weekend but it was cancelled because too few people signed up. Now that temps will be in the single digits, and the retreat would involve going outside among different spaces to sleep, eat and shower, I am so glad not to be out there, even though it has been, for five years, my favorite retreat ever–women quilting, knitting, sewing, stitching, felting and creative crafts I’m not familiar with, plus great company and somebody else cooking for three days.

Not being able to get out to shop, I made a Valentine for my husband while he went to a doctor’s appointment. I started when he left and finished as he walked in the door!

Front with ice-bent shrubbery (find the dog)












* In the middle of writing this piece, I had to stop and take him to the ER. He’s getting daily antibiotic shots, and was supposed to go to the nearby urgent care clinic this weekend, but it was closed. The ER nurse showed me how to give the injections for the rest of the weekend, so I can add “nurse” to my skill set.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope wherever you are you are safe and warm.

Some ice storm pics:


What do you wish you could still do?

When I turned on the TV on a few Sundays ago, figure skating happened to pop up. I was mesmerized by the incredible beauty, freedom, grace and pure joy of the performance. It was Gracie Gold’s free-skate using music from Igor Stravinsky’s “Firebird Suite.” When my husband came into the room I played it back for him. It was the most beautiful–even perfect–figure skating performance I can remember ever seeing.*


More than anything else I could do when I was young, the thing I miss most is ice skating. In Northern Ohio in the late 1950s and early ’60s we had maybe six weeks of good skating weather, after Christmas into February. (I doubt if, with climate change, there is anything like that now.) I had my own figure skates and there was a nearby pond, called Lais’ Pond, which everyone called “Lacy’s Pond.” My parents let me skate on school nights (I was a good student and the season was short), and someone had always built a fire; boys played crack-the-whip and we girls practiced our figure-eights.

My church fellowship group had skating parties on the town reservoir or the smooth ice above the dam on the Huron River, in nearby Monroeville. I loved flying across the vast spaces of the reservoir. Natural ice, in case you’ve never skated on it, is quite bumpy and rippled from wind and water movement. There are no Zambonis on natural ice!

After I had children we skated at rinks in the Cleveland area and, after we moved to suburban Washington, D.C., in Fairfax County rinks. Indoor rinks with smooth ice were nice, but skating in an oval with too many other people could not match gliding across the dammed river or the reservoir.

The last time I was on ice skates was in 1982, when a neighbor had a birthday party at Northcross Mall, in Austin. I was so wobbly even then I realized my skating days were probably over.

In 2007, I was in Arlington, Virginia, on business. I had a free afternoon and got on the Metro to go wander around the National Mall for a little while. (Having lived in both D.C. and Virginia, I knew my way around well enough to take off by myself.) The National Gallery sculpture garden had a rink set up, with skates for rent. Hmm, I thought. “Should I give it a try?” Then: “I left the hotel without telling anyone where I was going. If I were to fall, hit my head and knock myself out, they would have no idea who I was or how I got there other than emergency info on my phone. They certainly wouldn’t know I was staying at a hotel in Crystal City.”

Yes or no?

There was a sweet little café overlooking the rink, so I had a glass of wine and watched the skaters instead.

I still dream of flying across the ice on two thin blades. I never had aspirations for competition, no triple axels or double Salchow or death spirals for me. Just the freedom of pumping your legs and gliding across ice at top speed.

What do you wish to do that you could do when you were young, and are no longer able?


*After watching Gracie Gold on YouTube, I learned that the Firebird performance was in 2016, and she subsequently suffered from depression and an eating disorder, having to climb her way back into skating, which makes her even more inspiring than that young Firebird.

I’m Dreaming…

It snowed New Year’s Eve, just the right kind of snow: fat, fluffy flakes falling gently, accumulating only on rooftops and mailboxes and lawns, because the ground was still warm and the roads didn’t get slick. At first the dog was mesmerized, standing at the back door looking out. When we went out he stepped into the yard rather gingerly, and when we came in he insisted on going out the front door to check the front yard. In the evening, he and the granddaughter played in it. Since it’s been three years since we had snow, it’s no wonder everyone is rather fascinated (as long as we’re not snowed in).

Granddaughter’s tracks in the back yard.

Now it’s a bright, fresh new year (we hope!). My wish, like everyone else’s, is that vaccines are widely and properly distributed, SOON, and that once we’re inoculated from this horrible virus, we can again visit with friends, see our loved ones, go to actual church, theaters, galleries, and do all those things we’ve taken for granted. I know it will be some time before we reach anything like “normal,” if ever. We are forever changed by this once-in-a-century experience that our grandchildren will tell their grandchildren about: “I remember the Great Pandemic of ’20!”

Looking ahead, my personal goals are to better manage life with a spouse with Parkinson’s, and raising a teenage granddaughter. To be more patient with them and with myself. To put love above all else, which is harder than it sounds when you’re exhausted and frustrated.

I am an incorrigible new year’s resolution-maker, and I’m pretty good about keeping them, so here they are for 2021:

  • To manage my days, my workload in a way that doesn’t exhaust me. Cut corners, accept disorder (better than I do), and especially lighten my load when I can. I usually cook a hot dinner six nights a week (Sunday is McDo, as my neighbor calls “on your own.”) Double-batching, a frozen meal now and then, even (horrors!) takeout. (I don’t like takeout because it costs more and is less healthful. Plus, unless you have delivery–even more cost–it’s as much trouble to pick it up than it is to fix a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, an easy go-to meal.)
  • As mentioned above, be more patient and loving with my family.
  • Make more effort to stay in touch with friends and family. Local friends, family far away, old friends–I miss regular contact. I generally don’t like talking on the phone, and maybe video chatting would work better for me. I’m going to ask people to call me, too. As I tell my sister in Florida, phone lines work both ways! I will continue sending out my postcards and might even write actual letters now and then. I’m grateful for Facebook because it helps me stay in touch with former co-workers, family overseas and others I might otherwise lose contact with.

I wish everyone a happy, healthy, prosperous and better-than-2020 New Year! Contact me if you’d like to be a phone pal, email chum, Facebook friend or just a friend!

A new day, January 2, 2021



Beautiful Useless Things

These days I’ve been pondering death a little more than usual. I think everyone is. Even though I don’t personally know anyone who has died of COVID, my heart breaks for all those lives cut short and the grief of those they have left behind to miss them.

In the book “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning,” the concept of döstädning is explained. Here is an excerpt from the linked review:

No, it’s not as morbid as it sounds. It’s actually quite practical.

Once you reach the end of middle age (or sooner if you feel like it, or later if you’re late to the exercise), you get rid of all the stuff you’ve accumulated that you don’t need anymore — so that no one else has to do it for you after you pass. That’s according to Margareta Magnusson, author of the book, “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Make Your Loved Ones’ Lives Easier and Your Own Life More Pleasant.”

“Visit [your] storage areas and start pulling out what’s there,” she writes in the book. “Who do you think will take care of all that when you are no longer here?”

Plus, you’ll be able to better enjoy your life when you have less mess and clutter to deal with.

“Life will become more pleasant and comfortable if we get rid of some of the abundance,” Magnusson writes. “Mess is an unnecessary source of irritation.”

In Swedish, the exercise is döstädning — a combination of the word “dö” (which means death) and “standing” (which means cleaning), she explains in the book.

“Death cleaning is not about dusting or mopping up; it is about a permanent form of organization that makes your everyday life run more smoothly,” she explains. And you may even find the process itself enjoyable, she adds. “It is a delight to go through things and remember their worth.”

If I live out my genetic life expectancy (based on my maternal forebears, I could live well into my 90s), I may be fortunate to have a couple of more decades. But as I look around our house, I sometimes wonder: what will happen to everything? The everyday dishes, pots and pans, furniture, appliances, clothes, books and the like–useful, even desirable items–can be sold or donated. But what about all the tchotchkes, knickknacks, artwork, jewelry, and all the other stuff I’ve acquired over my life?

Henry David Thoreau said “people do not own possessions, the possessions own them.” I often think about that when objects need to be repaired or stored, especially when I consider cleaning out the garage. The last time we moved, nearly four years ago, we did what I thought was a massive purge, but here we are again with more stuff than we have space for.

I enjoy shopping in thrift stores, and I have items I bought simply because they are beautiful, not because I have any need for them. Here’s an embroidered tablecloth:

I paid $10 for it. The handwork is beautiful, on crisp linen. I have never used it.

I have four silk robes, only one of which I wear with any frequency. One hangs on a wall. I have at least four shawls, two I knitted myself; several dozen scarves, again some I knitted, some that were gifts.


This peacock robe hangs on our bathroom wall.

Some of the other silk robes and shawls.

And the art! Where to begin? When Gary and I married we merged a pretty nice collection of artworks we both personally love, and we have added a fair number of pieces since then. Will anyone love it as we do?

I found this 5’x5′ piece at World Market when we were redecorating our bedroom, and it matches perfectly. We had to ask a neighbor to get it home for us in his van because it wouldn’t fit in either car.


We bought this pitcher at the Laguna Gloria art festival soon after we were married and moved into our Austin condo.

Florentine triptych bought from an Austin artist.

I made the white sculpture on the top, entitled “Flame,” in art school. It’s been broken and repaired more times than I can remember.

Shelves of goodies, including a portion of my kaleidoscope collection (the rest are in a box in the garage).

This is just a small sampling of our beautiful useless things. Except they do “spark joy,” as Marie Kondo would have it. I guess one of my New Year’s resolutions will be to gradually sort through seldom-used–or useless–items that I don’t love enough to hang onto, and donate them back whence they came, ask my kids if they want them, or, most likely, return them to the closet or garage shelf until we move again. I used to joke that we should move every five years, or pretend to. It’s been only three-and-a-half….


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